The battle of the slashers


Courtesy Photo

Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, and Freddy Kruger prepare for the epic battle between the three of them to see who is the baddest of them all.

Wyatt Miller , Writer

In 1978, Halloween was released and a new breed of killer was forged in Michael Myers, the supernatural killer. Myers was riding high until his first competitor, Jason Voorhees, rolled on up and tried to take his wallet in 1981. Voorhees was then pocket-checked by Freddy Kruger in 1984, but Jason was not having that. 

So he and Freddy slugged it out while Michael was drinking tea in the back. While all three of these killers have a lot in common( like impressive body counts, supernatural powers, and being so retconned nobody knows what’s going on anymore), they all have different MOs, motivations, and even backgrounds and we will cover them here.

Jason Voorhees comes first with 170 people buying the farm with him acting as the real estate agent. Hailing from the swamps of Camp Crystal Lake, New Jersey, Jason was once a shy mentally-disabled boy who lived with his mother, Pamela Voorhees. Yet when Jason drowned in the lake because the camp counselors were getting freaky, mama Voorhees went ballistic and after a massacre, was beheaded at the end of Friday the 13th part one. During Friday the 13th part two, Jason, after years of good eating and hitting the gym, came through like a pimped-out rhino covered in glitter and started another bloodbath until Friday the 13th: The New Blood when he is killed and resurrected. Resurrected Jason has a new set of skills like teleportation, invincibility, and superhuman strength and he makes it everyone else’s problem.

Michael Myers comes next with 107 people turned past-tense. Ever since he was a young boy growing up in the quiet suburb of Haddonfield, Illinois, Michael had a passion for death when he connected his older sister to God’s wifi and was whisked away to Smith’s Grove Warren County Sanitarium. Fifteen years later, he escaped and went on a 12 movie stat-padding spree. During the movies, he is shot multiple times, run over, set on fire, thrown down a mineshaft, electrocuted, and stabbed, but somehow he comes back from it all and can walk faster than most people can run, so that amounts to something.

Last but not least, Freddy Kruger comes in with only 48 people whose life subscriptions are not getting renewed. His story begins in Springfield, Ohio when the PTA turned him into a more attractive version of himself because he was let go on a technicality during his trial for child murder. So instead of being dragged to Hell where he belongs, he comes back as a demon that attacks teens living on Elm Street in their dreams with a glove that Edward Scissorhands then took and adapted.